This is your life; are you who you wanna be?

This song kinda sums up what I've been feeling a conviction about today. Why? Well, as I may have already stated before in previous posts, I've been in something of a rut, a slump if you will, of apathy, though I think of it more as a kind of lethargy. It seems like I've subconsciously fallen into a state of what I like to call a "sugar-high" mentality. In other words, I get hyped up on the pastor's message on Sunday morning and Wednesday night and then as soon as I get back home I crash. Does this mean that I've become (*GASB*) a "Sunday Christian"??!
I must confess, I've been pretty lukewarm in the faith for a while now. Every time I hear a good word that moves me to an emotional high as it were, I promise myself that I'm gonna change, that I'm gonna do it this time, that I'm gonna pursue that purpose for my life. Then, of course, I go back home and subconciously slip back into my old routene and it quickly gets gently pushed to the back burner. I hate this feeling of saying all the right things but not really meaning any of it based on my actions. I wish I really were a man of my word at all times, that I didn't have this gnawing addiction to hop on the computer and spend the entire freaking day on facebook or youtube because I have "nothing to do" and don't want to deal with real life. I kills me to think I've become the very thing I swore I'd never be since a little kid filled with a spark of faith and passion. Where did that fire go? Why did I wait so long to learn these lessons? Why couldn't life just come with a rewind button or an edit option? Oh, what I would give for a second chance at life, to go back and do over all those mistakes and total screw-ups of years past!
As I sit here writing this out, I can't help but be reminded of Solomon, who, in his great wisdom royaly screwed up much like David, his father, and look at my life and think "so this is what gaining wisdom feels like."; OUCH!
Well, I guess sometimes the University of Hard Knocks is one of the best, if not the most painfull, teacher of such life lessons on lying and how to drive a car. Sometimes you almost have to push the limits to learn where they are and their standards.
(*sigh*)
Thank God of amazing grace.

JAck out.