*A red and white clad figure deftly steps from the shadows in silence, a piercing stare affixed within his deep blue eyes, his right hand upon the hilt of his sword ready to strike*
Yes, the Shilohan ninja has returned from his unavoidable distraction known as homework *GASP*.
Down to beeswax, which, by the way, is rather sticky business if you ever happen to get caught in it. That's happened to quite a few people I know, actually. Hillarious reminissings aside, this week we'll take a deeper look into the deffinition of the ninja, among one of my favorite subjects of all time.
To begin with, the ninja are a humble and mostly invisible sort with strong tendancies toward secrecy, stealth and espionage. Because sneeking around is in the job description, though, we tend to be misunderstood and are frequently stereotyped as martial arts masters who run around at night in black pajama jumpsuits all the time, slicing foes with katanas and throwing stars when we're not practicing our Nth degree black belt ninjitsu on them. While we do have a habit of being very skilled in hand-to-hand as well as long range combat, we don't always defeat our enemies with fists, feet and blades. We ninja like to have a little fun with our enemies if we can, so practical jokes are popular tatics for us ninja. These can take just about any form imaginable, from snares and sabatoge to mind games and optical illusions, anything goes. This, however, also depends on whether the ninja pulling such a trick on his or her unsuspecting victim is willing to let said trick kill, maim and or incapacitate them. In essence, the limit to what a ninja can do to capture or kill a person is a combinations of their morals and their imagination. After all, it takes a little imagination to take out a dozen hitmen with a paperclip and a foam cup.
Another common generality of the ninja is that we're all asian. Not true. If you've seen the russian ninja video on youtube, you'll know what I'm talking about, although he's more of a show-off than a ninja. True that he's got mad parkour skills, but ninja usually don't just go free running around town topless. Besides, that's just kinda grose, even for a athletic, muscular guy like that. Ninja still have a sense of honor and dignity to uphold, after all. If there's one thing Japan taught us, it's that honor is one of the most important atributes of any person. This was especially true of the samurai and the ninja, though even more so notably with the samurai. This, however, is because the samurai were more visible, more commonly seen, or rather, more commonly identified in public as what they were. They, along with warrior monks of varying types and skills, are kind of like the pharacies of the martial arts, as it were. Ninja are the unsung heroes of battle, those brave souls who worked behind the scenes their entire lives, making sure their masters were protected, respected and honored, scoping out the front lines, utilizing the element of suprise and invisibility to help take out invading armies from behind and below, the secret to success of all great militant victories. Sure, we fight ginormous three headed dragons for breakfast lunch and, occasionally, dinner, but under the cover of smoke bombs and in the depths of the shadows is where we do our best work, and the best part is, we don't have to be nocturnal about it either! Take that, Batman!
Now, in truth, Batman is hecka ninja and is good at what he does, but because of his custom schtick, he's confined to working the graveyard shift all the time. It just wouldn't be the same in broad daylight. He's not as cool, or as menacing in the case of his enemies, in the middle of the afternoon as he is around the bewitching hour. That's just how it is. That's his element. His only element, the only one he can work in effectively. Ninja, however, are not confined to the element of night alone. We are a versitile bunch that can work under any conditions and any sercumstances. That being said, ninja can also come in all shapes, ages and sizes, regardless of nationality, religion, gender, income or species, becoming a ninja is an equal opportunity experience, though not for the faint of heart. Because of this little fact, there are 'rinjas', 'scinjas', 'germinjas', 'afro-ninjas', 'irinjas', 'slovinjas', 'ausie-injas', and teenage mutant ninja turtles. These are just a few examples of ninja-kind across the globe. But, probably the most lethal of all ninja are those who would be classified as 'minja', short for midget ninja. So, what, you might ask, defines a midget?
Before I get into that, it should be duely noted that midgets are a bit different from pygmies. The main difference between the two is actually size. According to wikipedia, a pygmy is a person of short stature, generally being shorter than 152 cm, or 60 in. (5'), why a midget, interchangably known as a dwarf, is shorter than 127 cm, or 50 in. (4' 2"). Some midgets have been known to be shorter than even 24 inches, making it easier for them to hide, should they be a ninja. This also makes them harder to hit, for obvious reasons. So, while ninja midgets are more commonly known as minjas, ninja pygmies are known simply as, well, just that, ninja pygmies. They're not called pinjas, mainly because that is one of the classifications of ninja pirates.
Well, there you have it, the true job description of the ninja and all their forms. We're a lot like Transformers, more than meets the eye.
I look forward to killing you soon. Peace, Godbless and may the Force be with you.
JAck out.
